Confessions of a Runner

As I sit down to write this I’m a little embarrassed.  I have a confession to make, I don’t think I’ll be running the half marathon I’ve been telling you about for months.  Well I don’t know if I am, I need your help!

Here’s the thing, my training sucked this time around.  When I trained for the 2014 half marathon I stuck to my training plan for the most part and woke up early on Saturday mornings to get my long run in…no excuses.  When race day arrived I had absolutely no doubt in my mind that I’d finish and that I’d be able to run most of it.  My hard work payed off and I finished with a 2:15 PR.  It was such an accomplishment.

This time around I’ve come up with every excuse in the book! I mentioned before in The Struggle is Real that I’ve been having a really hard time with running.  My legs are stiff, my lungs hate me, and my brain won’t turn off.  I KNOW that all of this will go away if I ran more consistently but I just couldn’t bring myself to get in the long runs.   The longest run I got in was when I ran the 10k (a little over 6 miles) and that was more of a run/walk with a 12:30/mile pace in October.  The last real long run was in August and that was only 5 miles! I know to many of you 5 miles seems like a lot, and it is, but how do I plan on running 13.1 on Sunday if I can’t even get past 5.  Now don’t get me wrong, I still love running and will never give it up but I think the days of long runs are behind me.  Or at least long runs that are timed.  I had a lot of fun at the 10k but that’s because I didn’t care when we finished, I was doing it for fun.

To be honest I think that’s one of the main reasons I’ve been struggling so much.  Back when I started running (you can read about it here) I gradually built up my distance and my pace and it was so rewarding.  I enjoyed running because it calmed me, relieved stress, gave me confidence, and so much more.  Now I run because I feel like I have to.  The simple joy of just lacing up my shoes, throwing in my ear phones, and heading out the door has been taken over by frustration that I’m not at the pace I want to be at and that I’m not able to easily run as many miles as I used to.  I almost wish I wouldn’t have signed up for the half 7 months ago because it got in my head.  Had I ran just for the pleasure of it and not because I was “training” I may have got in more runs and definitely more enjoyable runs.

So here’s my question to you, should I attempt to run the half on Sunday and take the chance of not finishing or worse hurting myself, or should I take it as a loss and accept the fact that I failed my training??  I really have no idea what to do, I’m so torn.  If I don’t run I’m afraid I’ll feel like a failure not only to myself but to all of you but at the same time I don’t want to push my body beyond what it’s ready to do especially 30 days before my wedding. I know one thing is for sure, I won’t be signing up for anything over a 10k anytime soon!! I want to find my love of running again.  I’d rather run 3 miles and enjoy it than run 8 and be miserable.

On a side note, I’m doing great with my strength training program! On day 30 of 60 🙂  You win some you lose some.

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3 thoughts on “Confessions of a Runner

  1. if you don’t do it, you’ll always wonder what if. Does the half have a time requirement? I would say just tell yourself it’s okay to walk and give it a shot. Start running, switch to walking when you need to, and run again when you’re ready. It’s your half marathon, no one elses. Speed doesn’t matter, but the finish line will seem extra sweet since you proved you could do it after all.

    Liked by 1 person

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